Response to "Status Quo"

“Status Quo” is about a young high school guy named Jake who gets in school suspension for tardies and meets a few guys, David, Jordan, and Tanner. The new friends are misfits who he makes a connection with in suspension and ends up smoking weed for the first time with them after class. It seems to be a story about peer pressure, but not in the way just to fit in necessarily but I think he chooses it because he’s curious about the guys and intrigued by them, so it shows how easily a person is influenced and in such a quick matter of time.

I really liked Jakes character. The whole outfit scenario was humorous and I liked the bits of sarcasm that slipped in throughout the story, and it pleasantly reminded me of the humor in your last story. I like the sarcastic detail about the color wheel at the beginning; I think that tone works best for you. :) One minor revision on that part though, is I think you might could take out the parenthesis because it creates distance between the reader and the narrator, because I like the line about taking art class just as it is in his voice and in flows better visually.

I think the concept of the story is a good one to play around with too. A guy being curious, and how one thing leads to another, and how he is willing to test the norm especially since the majority of the story he’s out of his element. I also like the buzz buzz. I think I giggled a little the first time, since it caught me off guard.

As far as suggestions, I’d like to know more about Jake. I feel like there are points where I understand him and other times I want to know more. He has a humorous tone, but what are his motivations? What makes him who he is. I’d like to see a little less action and a little more background so I know why he does the things he does, dresses the way he does, etc. He makes the comment that suspension “certainly doesn’t fit in with my personality,” but why? I know he snowboards, how he dresses, that he’s tardy a lot, etc. I see through the action how he changes (wearing different pants, smoking weed, the new bad boy image) but less internal change within his character. I think we need more. I like what you have, but I’d like to see him go through a bigger change, with more conflict.

Overall, I enjoyed your story. You know I dig your sense of humor, and I think what you’ve got is working there just needs to be some additions. Good job, Paul!