Repsonse to "A Different Place"

Robert,

     “A Different Place” is about a father who had an accident in the car with his family and a family friend, Derrick, who dies. The conflict of the story is centralized around the father’s guilt, because he feels he “killed” Derrick since Derrick didn’t make it through surgery and the father was driving. Other member’s of the family are injured as well as the dad, and it describes the narrator’s experiences with dealing with this tragic incident.
       I really liked many of the descriptions of being in the Costa Rica hospital, especially the father’s line, “All they did was give us what would be the equivalent of Ibuprofen and said we’re good to go home. I knew something was wrong with my back, but I don’t speak good Spanish.” It added some extra personality to the father even in the midst of a depressing situation. I also thought having the accident as them “hitting the side of the mountain” was creative. Mountains are scary to drive on in general, especially the steep ones with no railings. I also liked that the narrator’s tone. He didn’t quite know how to handle the situation, and I think it captures how many people feel with these sorts of similar situations. On one hand, he struggles with moarning the death of Derrick and on the other hand he has to be relieved that the others survived. It sets up a touch situation for the narrator’s feelings and internal struggles.
       As far as suggestions I would say I want to actually know more about the father. I feel like that he is a central character to the story so I want to know more about his personality aside from him just being guilty over the car accident. I also thought that there should be a couple more spots of light-heartenedness (don’t think that’s a word). Such as, maybe a nice comment said about who Derrick was so that we know something about the person who is being grieved over. I suppose humor is difficult because it’s such a serious situation, but your dialogue was so funny in your last story that I wanted to see more.
       I’d like to see some personality within the other characters too. I feel like there is a lot of action going on, which is great, but now you may want to consider dressing up the personalities of the father, Kate, Robin, and Mrs. Stephanie. <-- btw make sure to MRS instead of Miss. ;) I mean if they’re are married, which I assumed they were because he calls her step mom.
    Overall, I think you’ve got a lot of good things here, and the potential for a goof story. I just want to see a little more character development within the narrative! Good job!