Response to Matt's "Fortune"

Matt,

What a cool story! “Fortune” is about a man who describes his experience while getting robbed by two men, Joshua and Jacob, who also shoot his dog and Jacob gets shot by Joshua (I think). The narrator evokes the question, “when should you fight back?”  He wonders if he should fight for his life, but he’s doesn’t know how because he’s cornered and defenseless.

I love, love the tone of this story. The narrator is a very analytical, humorous guy even in the midst of the most intense of situation. I loved the backdrop of wheel of fortune playing on the TV. It’s an eery, sort of corny contrast with the dangerous actions going on in the story. It sort of reminds me of a Tarantino scene, which is a huge compliment from me because he’s pretty much my favorite person ever! The descriptions and imagery in the story are very strong. I like the description of Joshua’s teeth and all the great details about Duke and the narrator’s niece’s color by numbers drawing. The theme of fortune works nicely, because the narrator suggests that money and TVs and “goods” mean nothing, and his dog’s life and his niece’s art are obviously more important. You kept up the suspense in the story and the action and emotions were consistent. I also admired that the story was so strong and took place in such a short amount of time.

As far as suggestions go I would say cut some of the elevated language in the story. The character is obviously an intelligent witty guy with a wide vocabulary, but at times I felt it was distracting. The few words I marked were concupiscence, vitreous, and nonplussed. There are other words you might could use that would allow the story to flow more fluidly. (Maybe I should just work on my own vocab! ;) ) Overall, you showed that the character is smart, just try to avoid getting too “writery” and stick to everyday language for the most part so readers can stay in the scene without having to look up words.

One other thing I had a question about was why exactly does Jacob get shot or why do the shots go off? It kind of threw me off. Was it an accident or intentional? I wanted to know why Joshua turned on his accomplice or vice versa. Maybe I read something wrong. Either way I would like you to keep that in the story, I just wanted to know why it elevated to them firing at one another.

Overall, the story was really great. Awesome work, Matt!