Response to Robert's "Curtis and Deangelo"

     “Curtis and Deangelo” is a story about two guys (who seem to be as close as brothers) who meet up at a casino in Vegas. The conflict arises when Curtis learns after they’re finished gambling that his Dad is in the hospital. D or Curtis' father (I'm not entirely sure which one) doesn't make it in the end. The story is resolved by the two going back to the Casino.
       There were a lot of creative and humorous descriptions that I really enjoyed in the story. I especially like the dialogue between the characters. It didn’t seem too “dialoggy” and it showed us each of their personalities. I felt it to be the strongest element to the story. I really like the line, “pulls on your chest hair like duck tape,” as well as the line “I’m staying at the Trump next time, there’s gold all over the place, even the damn urinals.” I thought the voices were full of personality and really functioned well in a story set in Vegas. Overall, the tone was awesome.
      The opening line says that Curtis is the type of guy who never disrespects anybody. However, in one of the first few scenes he makes a disrespectful comment to one of the bar maids, and we’re validated by D that it’s nothing new for him to treat women like that. So I’d consider revising that minor inconsistency. I just noticed because the opening should set up how you should feel about the character in some way.
      Also, my main issue with the story is that I felt like I was out of the loop a couple times, especially the scene in the cab when they’re talking about Bishop and the accident. I felt the conversation had a weird transition and I thought there were clues missing as to which accident the guys are talking about since we were just informed that Curtis’ dad was going into surgery. I also was confused by the end. At first I thought Curtis was lying to D on the phone about his dad dying because he had just found out that his dad only needed 4 months recovery time. The dialogue where , “Last night I made it home late and went to the hospital. When I got there there was a doctor in the room with nurses running around.” Then however, I realized  maybe it was D that said his Dad didn’t make it. At that point I was really confused. Are they actually brothers? I’d consider trying to make the ending more clear.
       One smaller thing I noticed was that a “Brazilian babe” took D’s jacket. How did he hook up with this woman when he had his girlfriend with him back at the hotel?
       Overall, I really want to see happens with this story. The characters were amusing and I think the setting and scenes were entertaining and creative. I was just slightly confused at points with the plot and transitions, and I think it wouldn’t be too difficult for you to fill in the gaps so that part would be cleared up. Well done!